Early this year, I ran into a childhood pal
called Samuel somewhere in Lagos State. In the process of our conversation, I
learnt he got estranged with his spouse a few weeks back. With the burning
quest to ascertain what actually truncated a happy five-year-old marriage, I
requested that he had a drink with me at a nearby bar.
Summarily,
the truth of the matter was that he battered the woman in question mercilessly,
thus she decided to leave their matrimonial home based on her parents’
persuasions. It seemed that wasn’t the first time he would display such an
attitude, but was reportedly the worst of all so far.
As I sipped my stout beer from the glass cup,
just as he did with his lager, I enquired what really prompted the ruthless
action. Samuel claimed she gave him the insult of his life, stating she called
him names.
Having
gotten infuriated with the whole story, I therein unequivocally blamed him
entirely, telling him that that was not an enough excuse. I further notified
him that insult of any kind shouldn’t warrant any iota of assault in a
marriage, or any form of relationship. I observed he wasn’t pleased with my
judgements but I didn’t bloody care.
To
shorten the long story, I went further to inquire if he had showed remorse over
the uncalled reaction. I learned till that moment, being about three weeks
after the incident, the dude was yet to think of visiting his wife’s parental
home let alone tendering an apology. To worsen it, he eventually told me he
didn’t see anything wrong with what he did.
From
the blunt response, I understood Samuel was trying to hide under a certain norm
that holds the thought that ‘a man is always right’. It’s not anymore news that
in some African traditional settings, you cannot tell a man to his face that he
is wrong when trying to mediate between him and his spouse. And, such an
existing belief has ostensibly succeeded in beclouding the sense of reasoning
of most men, particularly the young ones.
The
fact is; the ‘I’m right’ syndrome has continued to endanger various healthy
relationships. The paradox is that most of these staggering, or pale-looking,
relationships were rightly built on a golden pedestal. But the inability to
show remorse by any of the party involved, having erred, continually poses threat
to the anticipated growth of the union.
Allowing your extremism mentality to
control your actions would definitely make any relationship you are into crash
on arrival. You aren’t supposed to strongly believe in everything. Don’t live a
life of a fanatic. Sometimes, compromise is highly consequential, especially
when it calls for way forward.
Relationship
is about compromise or sacrifice. Hence, you must be willing at all times to
give up on a certain ideology just for peace to reign. If your ego is the
problem, you must sacrifice it to enable other things you yearn for to flow. It’s
noteworthy that ego had abruptly ended countless enticing unions than death did.
You must be willing to give up that venom in you that is unabated posing threat
to your cherished relationship. One thing must give way for the other.
It’s
always crucial to acknowledge that everybody can never be right at the same
time. Someone must be wrong. And when you are right or wrong, your conscience
will certainly communicate to you concerning where you belong. It suffices to
assert that you are invariably expected to listen to the aforementioned
feature, because it is the only tool that can lead you to the apt path.
Even, sometimes when you are right, you
can assume that you are wrong just for the sake of way forward. It’s simply
like a battle field where someone must accept defeat. This is where maturity
comes in. Honestly, it takes a mature mindset to keep a relationship going or
alive. Maturity is like lubrication oil in any ongoing union.
Similarly,
immaturity in a relationship is not unlike a bad tyre in a moving vehicle. The
latter can never move properly until you change the former. And if the driver
tries to manage the situation, it would surely draw the journey backwards;
hence, he will never arrive at his proposed destination. Aside not getting to
the destination, it might even cause an accident in the process.
So,
maturity is one of the key recipes in any relationship in existence, be it
business, friendship, courtship, marriage, or what have you. It would make us
to possess a flexible mindset rather than a rigid one, thereby keeping us away
from the dangers of fanaticism. The said pattern of ideology possesses venom
that bears the potential of destroying, within a twinkle of an eye, what a man
has suffered in building for years.
For crying out loud; you can’t
continue to say ‘I am right’ even when aware that you are wrong. Don’t cheat on
your conscience if you truly want your relationship to excel. ‘I’m sorry’
doesn’t really mean you are wrong; it rather means you truly cherish the
relationship more than your ego. Think about it!
Comrade Fred Nwaozor
Executive Director, Docfred Resource Hub (DRH) - Owerri
_________________________________
frednwaozor@gmail.com
+2348028608056Twitter: @mediambassador
