Facebook Palaver

FACEBOOK PALAVER

     “This Facebook is so boring today.” Metu thought, felt disappointed.

       The 36-year-old Metu, who was still a bachelor, had been a freak of the popular social media platform - Facebook – for years. There was no day that passed that he wouldn’t sacrifice at least three consecutive hours for chatting alongside other available informal activities. He was obviously a handsome and promising young man, and his pictures cum profile could attest to it, thus no one that came across his account that wouldn’t wish to engage him on a prolonged chat.

      The remarkable thing about him was that, rather than looking out for every inspiring and entertaining aspect of the platform, each time he came online, he was particularly interested in pictures posted by his new female pals so that he would compliment them and engage the owner on an unscheduled chat. Suffice it to say that, he felt more comfortable and relaxed chatting with female folks; and there was no lady he sent a message to that hesitated replying owing to the charming attribute of his image.

       So, whenever there was no one of opposite gender to hook-up with, he got embarrassed and depressed. That was exactly how he felt on that Saturday evening as he lay in his bed in his one-bedroom-flat apartment situated in Calabar, the capital territory of Cross-River State, Nigeria. He had already spent almost an hour to no avail, yet his expectation remained high; he couldn’t afford to go offline without sending at least ‘hi’ to a damsel.

       Few seconds later having been exhausted, though still agile to mingle, four gorgeously looking portraits were posted by one of his new female pals on her wall. He quickly glanced at each of them, liked them and dropped a comment. His comment read thus ‘These are indeed pictures belonging to an African queen.’

      In a few minutes time, the lady responded ‘Thank you so much.’

      He never bothered dropping further comment on the pictures, instead he thought it wise to send a message to her inbox; hence, he wrote ‘Hi pretty!’

      “Hello handsome!” she jovially replied in a jiffy.

      Metu smiled. “I must confess,” he said “this Facebook is meant for people like you.” He hinted, hastily perused her profile to ascertain the prospect of the intended relationship.

      The profile indicated that she was equally a resident of Calabar, thus he felt so elated.

      “How do you mean?” she verified.

      “I meant, beautiful damsels like you.”

       Probably she smiled. “Are u sure?” she wrote.

      “Of course,” quoth Metu. “Absolutely sure.”

      “I’m flattered.”

      “Please don’t be.” he urged. “That’s what you are.”

      “Thanks.”

      “U’re welcome.” He typed, took a quick look at her name as written on the account. “So, what do I call you?” he enquired, ignoring her Facebook name – Abigail Johnson.

       “Abigail.”

       “Ok, I wanted to be sure.” he wrote. “You know, most people don’t use their real names on Facebook.”

       “Sure?”

       “Yes,” quoth Metu. “Especially ladies.”

       “Hmmm.” she typed. “Why?”  

       “Reasons best known to them.”

       “Alright.” quoth Abigail. “So, you are Ken, right?” she verified based on his profile name, which was ‘Ken Williams’.

       “Yea,” he lied. “Ken Williams.” He added.

        Fascinatingly, his real name was Metu Okafor.

       “Alright.” said Abigail.

       “Please,” Metu wrote. “how old are you?”

       “25.” Abigail responded. “You?” she added.

       “36.”

       “Waoow,” she typed. “You’re an old man oh!”

       “I quite agree with you.”

       “So, are you not married?”

       “Not yet.”

       “Still searching?”

       “Yep.” He replied. “So, what do you do?” he added in a jiffy.

       “Student.”

       “School?”

       “UniCal.” she replied, meaning University of Calabar.

       “Discipline?”

       “BF.” She wrote, meaning Banking and Finance.

       “Interesting.” Metu complimented. “What level?” he added.

       “400.”

       “So, you’re in your final year?”

       “Yea.”

       “Waoooow,” he typed. “I never knew I have been chatting with a big girl.”

       Perhaps she smiled. “Thanks.” she appreciated. “So, what do you do?” She added.

       “I am an engineering contractor.”

       “You must be a big man.” She teased.

       “By God’s grace.”

       “You live in Calabar too?” Abigail enquired, ignoring his profile which indicated he was a resident of the city in question.

       “Yep.” he clarified.

        The chatting, which spanned over hours, lingered till night.

        In barely two days time, they became best of friends on Facebook that they could spend several hours chatting about frivolous issues. Sometimes, he would even sound so romantic and vulgar without minding that they were yet to meet, let alone becoming real intimate friends. Funnily enough, she would respond accordingly without picking any offence; in other words, she was enjoying every bit of his company all along as if she was being charmed.

       The following week, he invited her over to his apartment, and she succumbed without even considering using delay tactics, which were synonymous with ladies. By her mode of respond, he understood she longed for the invitation.

                                  * * * * * *

       “Oh, my God ..!” Metu exclaimed on sighting Abigail as he opened his door to welcome her having received a knock. “You are indeed prettier than you look on Facebook.”

       She was dark, slim and about 5.5-foot tall, and was irresistibly beautiful. She wore ash jeans trousers, pink top coupled with pink high-heeled sandals, and ash handbag. Her hairs were newly and gorgeously plaited; it seemed she plaited the hairs purposely for the outing.

       She smiled, remained speechless, and was equally moved by his handsome look.

       He was fair, plump, about 5.8-foot tall, and was clad in white Pajamas spotted with red flowers.

       They majestically walked to the parlour and sat adjacent to each other. “You are highly welcome!” Metu exclaimed.

      “Thank you.” she appreciated, smiling.

      “Please, what do I offer you?”

      “No, don’t bother.”

      “How do you mean?” he frowned. “This is your first time in my house for crying out loud.”

      “Okay, any soft.”

      “Alright,” he said. “Please, give me some seconds.” He enjoined, stood up and walked away.

       Few minutes later, he returned with two canned malts for himself and the guest.

       While taking the drink, she slept off right in the brownish settee where she was seated.

       Sure, he had drugged her, as usual. Metu wasn’t new in the game; that was the umpteenth time he would indulge himself in such ungodly act. His womanizing nature was the sole reason he never bothered settling down, and that was also why he was making use of fake names on social media.

       In about an hour’s time, Abigail woke up only to find herself in his bed covered merely with a wrapper. She felt so exhausted, ashamed and flabbergasted.

      “Wha…t?” she shouted. “Where am I?”

        It was unarguably the most devastating and horrific moment in her entire life.

       Metu who lay right beside her in his purplish shorts, looked at her and kept calm, though felt guilty.

       What happened thereafter was more terrifying. You can’t afford to miss it! Meanwhile, if you were in her shoes, what would be your reaction afterwards? Think about it!

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#WisdomTablets (7)

You're not in Love till Telepathy sets in
_______________________________

Two persons can never say they are in love until they start
experiencing Telepathy among themselves. One might be
pondering over what telepathy is all about. TELEPATHY
is an existing means of communication. It is the strongest
and earliest communication kind. Telepathic communication
supersedes any other communication form in existence, or
anyone you could think of. It takes place without any iota of
sign or verbal utterance, neither is the presence of the parties
involved a prerequisite to the communication.

Telepathy is simply a communication through the minds, thus
can transpire even when the persons in question are not seeing
each other. The moment anything happened to your person, be
it good or bad omen, you would telepathically communicate
with your loved one(s), or that special person in your life, even
in their absence. When you sent the signal - carrying either pains
or joy - to them, they would receive it immediately and therein
experience the impact of the feelings that were conveyed to them.

Summarily, when you just recorded a misfortune, or a feat, as
the case may be, that person you would wish to see as soon as
possible, is the one you share something strong with; and the
person in the picture would at the moment feel what has
happened to you. This communication means occurs stronger
when either of you are in pains. Mind you, the fellow could be a
relative or a friend. In fact, telepathy takes place more often
between a mother and her child, because it's among these type of
people that true love exists.

So my dear, do not say 'we are in love' or 'we love each other',
till you both start communicating telepathically. Until Telepathy 
sets into the relationship, you're not yet in LOVE. #ThinkAboutIt

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Python Dance, David Dance, and What Have You

PYTHON DANCE, DAVID DANCE, AND WHAT HAVE YOU

      

The last time I checked, Imo and South-East at large was dominated by operation this and that. Initially, it was only ‘Operation Python Dance’ until ‘Operation David Dance’ followed suit. The former – a military exercise – which is targeted to wipe out all forms of social ills lingering in the said region to include armed robbery, kidnapping, abduction, herdsmen/farmers clashes, and violent secessionist movements, was recently launched by the Nigerian Army (NA).

       

In various quarters, the residents of the affected area – particularly members of the Indigenous People of Biafra (IPOB) – have strongly kicked against the military exercise, opining that it was not for the good interest of the entire people of the Igbo nation. To this end, the IPOB equally launched a parallel exercise code-named Operation David Dance. According to them, the ‘David’ signifies the one in the Holy Bible who defeated Goliath in a battle field with a mere stone. It suffices to say; they were trying to insinuate that the military exercise represents ‘Goliath’.

        

As some groups within the South-East zone have continued to condemn the new military operation, which is meant to last between November 27 and December 27, 2016, the NA has explained extensively that the exercise did not mean any harm except to criminals, hence, would be in the overall interest of the good people of the area contrary to the views making the rounds. In a press statement released by the Deputy Director of the Army Public Relations – 82 Division Enugu – Colonel Sagir Musa, the initiative reportedly aimed towards achieving a hitch-free yuletide in the entire South-East would benefit the people of the region in the areas of healthcare and security, among others.

        

Col. Musa, however, categorically stated that the exercise wasn’t peculiar to South-East. According to him, having painstakingly examined the myriad of security challenges cum scenarios across the country, the Chief of Army Staff (COAS) Lieutenant General Tukur Buratai directed  the setting up of the conduct of both Command Post and Field Training exercises, as a way of enhancing troops preparedness toward combating the spectrum of the contemporary challenges. In view of this directive, the Army Headquarters instructed the immediate commencement of the request in different regions across the federation.

      

He further highlighted that operations Ex Shirin Harbi, Ex Harbin Kunama, Ex Crocodile Smile, and Ex Python Dance were instituted for the North-East, North-West, Niger-Delta, and South-East regions, respectively, in regard to their individual security plights. The information personnel equally disclosed that an elaborate Civil-Military Cooperation (CIMIC) would be maintained throughout the exercise. Thus, he urged the people of the South-East to support rather than despise it, since it means well for them.

       

It’s noteworthy that the governors of the five states that make up the zone including Imo, Anambra, Enugu, Abia, and Ebonyi, have thrown their weight behind the operation. They were of the opinion that the exercise would help tremendously to whisk out all the bad eggs in the zone irrespective of where they are hiding, thus ought to be supported at all cost. Many have called the governors’ gesture an act of sabotage that is only aimed at witch-hunting the goodwill of the Igbo people; they opined that it was a conspiracy between the governors and the Federal Government (FG) to truncate the ongoing call for a ‘Biafra’ nation.

         

What got me personally pissed off the moment I received the news regarding the operation was its code-name. Why ‘python’? Where did they cull that from, or what informed the name? I know quite well the military has a unique and weird pattern of doing things, especially issues pertaining to security, but they should have searched for a name that wouldn’t bog or startle one’s mind when heard. We are not advocating for a friendly name because we’re not unaware that security issues are involved, but at least something humanly would have been sought to fit as the code-name instead of Python.

       

Moreover, Nigeria isn’t undergoing a military era, hence, no one would overhear the operation and finds it friendly. The police are good enough to guide and guard any Nigerian province at the moment when it calls for security matters except the North-East that is still faced with the Boko-Haram terrorism. The armed forces can be introduced later all if security challenges became more severe or get out of hand. Right now, I don’t think the police are complaining, or have been overpowered. It suffices to say that they are still equal to the task, thus ought to be allowed to continue with the concernment.

      

What we must comprehend is that civilians don’t like hearing that where they are residing is being militarized; they are of the opinion that the military should be involved only during emergency. The moment civilians overhear that the area where they live would be militarized, they would start shivering, thinking the place is no longer safe for human inhabitation.

        

Now that the deed is already done, let’s not engage in retrogressive discussions; rather, concentrate on progressive ones. The only thing that can make the people of the affected area to be convinced that the exercise truly means well for them is by ensuring that a thorough civil-military relation is sustained as long as the initiative lasts, as earlier claimed by the army. Outside this, the operation would end up springing up further crises in the long run. Against this backdrop, every personnel involved in the exercise must endeavour to jettison any act that could bring any unwanted suspicion from the members of the public.

        

For the time being, I would advise Imolites and the people of the zone in general to maintain normalcy. Let’s support the exercise since we have been assured that it’s only for our good. Please, they deserve the benefit of the doubt, so let’s give it to them. We shouldn’t be beclouded with our socio-cultural and political differences. Let’s handle the issue as a family instead of treating it as divided people. Hence, I expect the governors to, in their respective jurisdictions, calm the aggrieve parties down.

       

With what I have seen so far, I think the operation has not violated any existing rules, or extant laws. If they continue like this, we wouldn’t have any room to raise an alarm. In fact, I enjoin them to extend the dance to my immediate clan if it would remain like this. We all need to observe as well as enjoy the dance while it lasts since it has proven thus far to be for our collective interest.

       

Please, for now, I advocate that David ought to remain an observer while the Python controls the stage, because both can’t dance concurrently. Think about it!  

 

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