SoulDiet I Dissecting the 'I am Right' Syndrome

DISSECTING THE ‘I’M RIGHT’ SYNDROME

        

Early this year, I ran into a childhood pal called Samuel somewhere in Lagos State. In the process of our conversation, I learnt he got estranged with his spouse a few weeks back. With the burning quest to ascertain what actually truncated a happy five-year-old marriage, I requested that he had a drink with me at a nearby bar.

        

Summarily, the truth of the matter was that he battered the woman in question mercilessly, thus she decided to leave their matrimonial home based on her parents’ persuasions. It seemed that wasn’t the first time he would display such an attitude, but was reportedly the worst of all so far.

         

As I sipped my stout beer from the glass cup, just as he did with his lager, I enquired what really prompted the ruthless action. Samuel claimed she gave him the insult of his life, stating she called him names.

         

Having gotten infuriated with the whole story, I therein unequivocally blamed him entirely, telling him that that was not an enough excuse. I further notified him that insult of any kind shouldn’t warrant any iota of assault in a marriage, or any form of relationship. I observed he wasn’t pleased with my judgements but I didn’t bloody care.

         

To shorten the long story, I went further to inquire if he had showed remorse over the uncalled reaction. I learned till that moment, being about three weeks after the incident, the dude was yet to think of visiting his wife’s parental home let alone tendering an apology. To worsen it, he eventually told me he didn’t see anything wrong with what he did.

         

From the blunt response, I understood Samuel was trying to hide under a certain norm that holds the thought that ‘a man is always right’. It’s not anymore news that in some African traditional settings, you cannot tell a man to his face that he is wrong when trying to mediate between him and his spouse. And, such an existing belief has ostensibly succeeded in beclouding the sense of reasoning of most men, particularly the young ones.

        

The fact is; the ‘I’m right’ syndrome has continued to endanger various healthy relationships. The paradox is that most of these staggering, or pale-looking, relationships were rightly built on a golden pedestal. But the inability to show remorse by any of the party involved, having erred, continually poses threat to the anticipated growth of the union.

       

Allowing your extremism mentality to control your actions would definitely make any relationship you are into crash on arrival. You aren’t supposed to strongly believe in everything. Don’t live a life of a fanatic. Sometimes, compromise is highly consequential, especially when it calls for way forward.

         

Relationship is about compromise or sacrifice. Hence, you must be willing at all times to give up on a certain ideology just for peace to reign. If your ego is the problem, you must sacrifice it to enable other things you yearn for to flow. It’s noteworthy that ego had abruptly ended countless enticing unions than death did. You must be willing to give up that venom in you that is unabated posing threat to your cherished relationship. One thing must give way for the other.

         

It’s always crucial to acknowledge that everybody can never be right at the same time. Someone must be wrong. And when you are right or wrong, your conscience will certainly communicate to you concerning where you belong. It suffices to assert that you are invariably expected to listen to the aforementioned feature, because it is the only tool that can lead you to the apt path.   

       

Even, sometimes when you are right, you can assume that you are wrong just for the sake of way forward. It’s simply like a battle field where someone must accept defeat. This is where maturity comes in. Honestly, it takes a mature mindset to keep a relationship going or alive. Maturity is like lubrication oil in any ongoing union.

        

Similarly, immaturity in a relationship is not unlike a bad tyre in a moving vehicle. The latter can never move properly until you change the former. And if the driver tries to manage the situation, it would surely draw the journey backwards; hence, he will never arrive at his proposed destination. Aside not getting to the destination, it might even cause an accident in the process.

        

So, maturity is one of the key recipes in any relationship in existence, be it business, friendship, courtship, marriage, or what have you. It would make us to possess a flexible mindset rather than a rigid one, thereby keeping us away from the dangers of fanaticism. The said pattern of ideology possesses venom that bears the potential of destroying, within a twinkle of an eye, what a man has suffered in building for years.

        

For crying out loud; you can’t continue to say ‘I am right’ even when aware that you are wrong. Don’t cheat on your conscience if you truly want your relationship to excel. ‘I’m sorry’ doesn’t really mean you are wrong; it rather means you truly cherish the relationship more than your ego. Think about it!     

      

Comrade Fred Nwaozor

Executive Director, Docfred Resource Hub (DRH) - Owerri

_________________________________

frednwaozor@gmail.com

+2348028608056
Twitter: @mediambassador            

     

Opinion I Melaye's Controversies And Police Makosa Dance

MELAYE’S CONTROVERSIES AND THE POLICE MAKOSA DANCE

      

Senator Dino Melaye has conspicuously emerged a household name not just in the National Assembly (NASS) but in the contemporary Nigerian polity. The outspoken legislator who is currently representing the constituents of Kogi West Senatorial District in the eighth assembly, has for quite some time now, been controversially dominating the banner headlines of most dailies domiciled in the country.

      

Not many Nigerian politicians can boast of being in the mould of Sen. Melaye. Not so much for the many bills and motions he had thus far sponsored but for many controversies that have dogged his political personage.

      

On Tuesday, 12^th July 2016, the lawmaker had in a closed-door plenary of the Red Chamber of the NASS, unequivocally abused his female colleague – Oluremi Tinubu – over some remarks made against his person by the latter. It’s noteworthy that Mrs. Tinubu is the lovely spouse of a national leader of the ruling All Progressives Congress (APC), Ashiwaju Bola Tinubu.

      

It was gathered that the two senators’ clash was informed by the request made by the Kogi senator on the floor of the hallowed chamber. Sen. Melaye – an ardent supporter of the Senate President, Bukola Saraki – had enjoined the Senate to deal mercilessly with its honourable members who had offered to serve as prosecution witnesses in the ongoing forgery case against Sen. Saraki and his deputy, Ike Ekweremadu.  

       

Mrs. Tinubu, who was reportedly among those Mr. Melaye was pointing accusing fingers at, rose up in anger and began to react furiously to the latter’s demand. In the process, the altercation almost resulted in a physical combat after the Kogi legislator said to her face “I will beat you, impregnate you and nothing will happen”. The melodrama subsequently metamorphosed into a ‘war’ between Melaye and Ashiwaju Tinubu.

      

Way back in 2007, barely four months after he was elected into the NASS – House of Representatives precisely – where he represented Kabba/Bunu/Ijumu/ Federal Constituency of Kogi State, Sen. Melaye filtered into the news for the wrong reason.

      

At the peak of the crisis – on September 20, 2007 – that trailed the allegation that the then Speaker, Patricia Etteh awarded N628 million contract to renovate her official residence and that of her deputy, Babangida Nguroje in Apo Legislators’ Quarters, Abuja, Melaye physically exchanged blows with two of his colleagues – Emmanuel Jime (Benue) and Samuel Sejoro (Lagos) at the public sitting of the David Idoko-led panel that investigated the alleged contract scam.

      

His ‘troublesome’ nature continued unabated throughout his four-year tenure in the Green Chamber. For the next four years (2011-2015) he was out of the legislature, Sen. Melaye went back to activism. He floated the Anti-Corruption Network, which he used to campaign against graft. One of the cases the group fought against was the one involving a former Minister of Aviation, Ms. Stella Oduah who allegedly purchased two BMW armoured vehicles for N255 million while in office.

       

So, in 2015 when he found himself in the Red Chamber, he apparently thought it wise to continue from where he stopped in the NASS. Two years after his existence in the Senate, members of his constituency – Kogi West – began a recall process against him.

      

The Independent National Electoral Commission (INEC) had on Monday, 3^rd July 2017, released the time-table for the recall of Sen. Melaye, which was allegedly engineered by the sitting Governor of Kogi State Alhaji Yahaya Bello perhaps as a result of the political disagreement between the duo, following the receipt of recall petitions purportedly signed by over 188,000 constituents from his senatorial district, citing loss of confidence in their Senator.

        

Sen. Melaye via his solicitor Mr. Mike Ozekhome consequently filed a suit at the court, asking the jury to halt the recall bid, in which he alleged that even dead bodies signed. On September 11, 2017, the Justice Nnamdi Dimgba-led jury of the Federal High Court, Abuja dismissed the suit, hence the lawmaker headed for the Supreme Court to seek for redress. Unfortunately, early this year, the apex court upheld the recall move, mandating the INEC to continue with the process.

      

Recently, the embattled legislator alerted the police on an alleged serial plots to assassinate his person. In addition, the women drawn from the seven LGAs of Kogi West Senatorial district marched from the streets to the senator’s residence in Kogi State, conveying their solidarity to him while accusing Gov. Bello of being behind the alleged plot. The police, however, reportedly discovered that the information was false after conducting investigations.

      

Sen. Melaye stated that the reason Gov. Bello wanted him dead was because of his stand on the prolonged plight of the state workers and retirees. It would be recalled that for over fifteen months, the said governor refused to pay salaries and pensions in Kogi State, yet had reportedly collected N20 billion and N11 billion from the Federal Government, respectively as bailout fund and Paris Club refund.

      

On Monday, 23^rd April 2018 – at about 7.00am – on his way to Morocco for an official assignment, Sen. Melaye was arrested at the Nnamdi Azikiwe International Airport, Abuja by the personnel of the Nigerian Immigration Service (NIS) who later claimed that the arrest was based on police instruction.

 

Intriguing, on that fateful day, the Special Anti-Robbery Squad (SARS) of the Nigeria Police laid siege to his Abuja residence in spite of their earlier denial that they never instructed the NIS  to arrest the lawmaker.

      

It’s worthy of note that, prior to the arrest, the police recently declared Sen. Melaye wanted after the lawmaker was accused of supplying arms to some murder suspects who allegedly implicated him. The senator frantically denied the allegation. The police had, after the arrest at the airport, stated that the legislator had earlier been invited on different occasions for interrogations but he ignored the invitations.

      

On that same Monday, Sen. Melaye reportedly jumped down from a moving police vehicle en route Lokoja, the Kogi State capital while being detained by the SARS. It was gathered he was being translocated to Lokoja to stand trial for the crimes relating to murder and armed robbery he was accused of. The reaction by the embattled senator resulted in his hospitalization on Tuesday, the following day.

 

I wonder why a serving senator would jumped out from a vehicle in motion. It's really absurd and disheartening that a Nigerian who supposed to act as a role model could performed such unthinkable drama. 

      

The report had it that Melaye feared that his life would be in danger if taken to Lokoja, owing to the perceived sinister motives of both the police and the Kogi State government. It was further reported that the case in question had already been transferred to the Abuja High Court upon request of the accused senator.

      

The matters arising from Sen. Melaye’s case are numerous. There are too many questions to be answered by the police. First, why would a sitting senator be arrested on his way to a foreign country for an official engagement? Secondly, why was his residence barricaded after the arrest without any court order as if they just captured a roadside criminal?

      

Thirdly, having transferred the case from the Lokoja High Court to that of Abuja as we were told, what then prompted the proposed translocation of the embattled lawmaker? Fourthly, why did the Inspector General of Police (IGP), Mr. Ibrahim Idris refused to answer the call of the Senate for onward clarifications?

       

There are things the law enforcement agency isn’t really telling us. Though I’ve faulted Melaye’s refusal to attend to the police previous invitations for interrogations as alleged by the latter, I saw no reason the sitting senator should be molested by them. Notwithstanding, if the legislator has a case to face in the law court, he should endeavor to do so since there's no immunity clause that overrides such proceeding. 

 

It's noteworthy that, considering Sen. Melaye’s obvious impact on the NASS, Kogi State as well as the Nigeria’s polity at large in recent times, his recent arrest by the police was ostensibly politically motivated.

        

Hence, as the embattled lawmaker dances this makosa dance being played by the police, the latter needn’t be told that the music is overheating the polity, hence the compelling need to call it a quit. Think about it!

 

Comrade Fred Nwaozor

National Coordinator, Right Thinkers

_________________________________

frednwaozor@gmail.com

Twitter: @mediambassador            

          

Opinion I No Voter's Card, No Salary, Admission Et al

NO VOTER’S CARD, NO SALARY, ADMISSION ET AL

        

The last time I checked, the Imo State government had presented a platform that would ensure that virtually every Imolite – who has attained the adulthood – could boast of his or her Permanent Voter’s Card (PVC)

        

Two weeks ago, the Rescue Mission Government disclosed its intention to stop any worker in the state from collecting his/her monthly salary if they failed to present their PVC. The initiative, which was declared by the state’s governor Chief Rochas Okorocha, equally stated that anyone seeking admission into the state-owned institutions would not be granted the opportunity if he/she is yet to obtain the PVC.

        

It’s noteworthy that the proposed measure was also extended to everyone who intends to have any business transaction with the government. This signifies that any business person nurturing interest to engage him/herself in any business with the government would never be contracted to do so if they can’t show their voter’s card.

       

Hence, no contract, trade or collaboration of any kind, between the government and any corporate body or individual if the latter does not have their PVC. To throw more light; if a corporate organization is involved, each of the persons that constitute its management or leadership would be expected to individually tender their voter’s cards.

      

This is a welcome development, to assert the least. It’s a highly welcome initiative because it is targeted to ensure that no one, particularly adult, exempt him/herself from possessing the ‘almighty’ PVC. The PVC is required to be collected or possessed by every living adult in Nigeria in its entirety, and Imo isn’t an exception. It is seemingly aimed at ensuring that no one runs away from such a constitutional task.

       

This, therefore, implies that it would be very crucial for other states across the country to borrow a leaf from the Imo Government with a view to ensure that each of the citizens domiciled in their respective territories does not exempt him/herself from taking a walk to the closest office of the Independent National Electoral Commission (INEC) and obtain the PVC.

       

However, it’s worthy of note that overtime the Nigerian society has been bedevilled by the inability to implement a laudable and wholesome policy having made a pronouncement in that regard. Its’ not anymore news that most times when a certain policy is pronounced by the government, not just in Imo but at all levels, in the long run the intended policy or programme would not see the light of the day. This is needless to say that most government’s policies die on arrival.

        

It’s against this backdrop I candidly implore the Imo government to ensure that this measure doesn’t collapse on arrival. It is pertinent for the government to comprehend that the policy in question will surely die as it arrives if apt measures aren’t put in place. The government needs to acknowledge that the said initiative will hold no water in the long run if the needful isn’t done.

       

Hence, I would advise that a committee comprising well-trusted individuals is set-up in earnest to ensure compliance. The proposed committee would operate round-the-clock towards ensuring that no one, no matter how highly placed, violates the policy. And, for the committee to function as expected, every facet of the government’s authority must be willing to grant its members all the needed support. In other words, no iota of compromise should be displayed by anyone in a position of authority.

       

Similarly, it would be lofty to sell such a policy to the state legislators towards conscientizing them to deliberate on it with a view to domesticating it. The policy deserves to be given a fair hearing by the lawmakers, so that, it would be domesticated thereafter. Making the policy emerge as an extant law would ensure that successive governments uphold it without any contemplation.

        

I can’t concur less with the Imo government’s notion that the proposed measure, if duly implemented, would go a long way in ensuring that the fast-approaching 2019 general elections witness a massive turnout. We are not unaware that it is only the aforementioned anticipated response by the electorate that would guarantee an all-inclusive participation. And, we are aware that such manner of involvement by the people will usher in a successful outcome at the end.

       

Notwithstanding, regarding the part of the proposed policy that pertains to securing admission into the state owned tertiary citadels of learning, we need to acknowledge that not everyone is legible to obtain the PVC.

        

The card is constitutionally only meant for people that have attained the adulthood, or the age of eighteen. It’s no longer news that nowadays teenagers are part of those seeking admission in our various higher institutions, hence the need for the policy not to be applicable to all admission applicants.

       

So, inasmuch as the approach in question is a wonderful one and deserves  accolades, there’s equally need for the concerned authority to understand that it’s not required to affect every individual who belongs to the set of people it is meant for such as the workers, businessmen, admission seekers and what have you, as mentioned by the government.

       

However, whatever caution meant to be adhered to as stipulated above, the bone of contention surrounding this piece is that the approach in question is a welcome one that ought to be granted all the supports it requires towards ensuring its absolute success afterwards. Thus there’s a compelling need for the Okorocha-led administration, otherwise known as the Rescue Mission, to expedite move towards putting the policy into action.

        

The INEC, on its part, needs to ensure that the centres meant for the collection of the PVC are brought closer to the electorate rather than the current situation whereby they are required to go to their various Local Government headquarters for the exercise. Such a proposed measure would ensure that the people don’t spend much, financially, in the process.

         

As we all patiently await the 2019 elections, it’s needless to reiterate that the ‘no voter’s card, no salary, admission et al’ mantra ought to serve as one of the veritable tools to ensure undiluted success at the polls. Think about it!  

 

Comrade Fred Nwaozor

National Coordinator, Right Thinkers

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frednwaozor@gmail.com
Follow me: @mediambassador