Column I Dissecting The "I'm Right" Syndrome

Early this year, I ran into a childhood pal called Samuel somewhere in Lagos State. In the process of our conversation, I learnt he got estranged with his spouse a few weeks back. With the burning quest to ascertain what actually truncated a happy five-year-old marriage, I requested that he had a drink with me at a nearby bar.

        

Summarily, the truth of the matter was that he battered the woman in question mercilessly, thus she decided to leave their matrimonial home based on her parents’ persuasions. It seemed that wasn’t the first time he would display such an attitude, but was reportedly the worst of all so far.

         

As I sipped my stout beer from the glass cup, just as he did with his lager, I enquired what really prompted the ruthless action. Samuel claimed she gave him the insult of his life, stating she called him names.

         

Having gotten infuriated with the whole story, I therein unequivocally blamed him entirely, telling him that that was not an enough excuse. I further notified him that insult of any kind shouldn’t warrant any iota of assault in a marriage, or any form of relationship. I observed he wasn’t pleased with my judgements but I didn’t bloody care.

         

To shorten the long story, I went further to inquire if he had showed remorse over the uncalled reaction. I learned till that moment, being about three weeks after the incident, the dude was yet to think of visiting his wife’s parental home let alone tendering an apology. To worsen it, he eventually told me he didn’t see anything wrong with what he did.

         

From the blunt response, I understood Samuel was trying to hide under a certain norm that holds the thought that ‘a man is always right’. It’s not anymore news that in some African traditional settings, you cannot tell a man to his face that he is wrong when trying to mediate between him and his spouse. And, such an existing belief has ostensibly succeeded in beclouding the sense of reasoning of most men, particularly the young ones.

         

The fact is; the ‘I’m right’ syndrome has continued to endanger various healthy relationships. The paradox is that most of these staggering, or pale-looking, relationships were rightly built on a golden pedestal. But the inability to show remorse by any of the party involved, having erred, continually poses threat to the anticipated growth of the union.

         

Allowing your extremism mentality to control your actions would definitely make any relationship you are into crash on arrival. You aren’t supposed to strongly believe in everything. Don’t live a life of a fanatic. Sometimes, compromise is highly consequential, especially when it calls for way forward.

          

Relationship is about compromise or sacrifice. Hence, you must be willing at all times to give up on a certain ideology just for peace to reign. If your ego is the problem, you must sacrifice it to enable other things you yearn for to flow. It’s noteworthy that ego had abruptly ended countless enticing unions than death did. You must be willing to give up that venom in you that is unabated posing threat to your cherished relationship. One thing must give way for the other.

         

It’s always crucial to acknowledge that everybody can never be right at the same time. Someone must be wrong. And when you are right or wrong, your conscience will certainly communicate to you concerning where you belong. It suffices to assert that you are invariably expected to listen to the aforementioned feature, because it is the only tool that can lead you to the apt path.   

         

Even, sometimes when you are right, you can assume that you are wrong just for the sake of way forward. It’s simply like a battle field where someone must accept defeat. This is where maturity comes in. Honestly, it takes a mature mindset to keep a relationship going or alive. Maturity is like lubrication oil in any ongoing union.

        

Similarly, immaturity in a relationship is not unlike a bad tyre in a moving vehicle. The latter can never move properly until you change the former. And if the driver tries to manage the situation, it would surely draw the journey backwards; hence, he will never arrive at his proposed destination. Aside not getting to the destination, it might even cause an accident in the process.

        

So, maturity is one of the key recipes in any relationship in existence, be it business, friendship, courtship, marriage, or what have you. It would make us to possess a flexible mindset rather than a rigid one, thereby keeping us away from the dangers of fanaticism. The said pattern of ideology possesses venom that bears the potential of destroying, within a twinkle of an eye, what a man has suffered in building for years.

         

For crying out loud; you can’t continue to say ‘I am right’ even when aware that you are wrong. Don’t cheat on your conscience if you truly want your relationship to excel. ‘I’m sorry’ doesn’t really mean you are wrong; it rather means you truly cherish the relationship more than your ego. Think about it!